I Can Do Better.

I'm feeling a little upset today, quite honestly. Today was the silent processional/prayer vigil for the illegal immigrants affected by the Postville Raid. I was asked to be a part of it and I procrastinated so much in the response that I ended up not answering at all.

Why had such a lowly freshman (not really) like me been asked to be a part of it?

I had been a campaign manager for Paideia for Postville, which was just a small fundraiser that was held in December when the churches were in need of help for all the immigrants they were hosting. We managed to raise a little more than 1,000 dollars (most likely much more, but I'm not completely sure) and sent it all to help with food and clothes, I believe. It was a really good effort put forth in the last few weeks of first semester. We did fairly well and there was a class representative and everything who harrassed everyone into donating.

And I was responsible for forwarding emails and all that jazz. I didn't do my job very well because I wasn't completely sure about what I was doing, but I was not alone in my endeavors. There was another girl working with me about it.

So for the vigil, we were asked to participate and share some words of prayer... Let me tell you, I am not that religious at all. In fact, defining myself as any religion is kind of frightening to me. Little to say, I'm not that big (or good) at praying. I can write a thesis better than I can pray and the thought of trying to do all that in front of people who want some deep, heartfelt words about the whole experience terrified me to the umpteenth level.

So I didn't go. And I regret that. I wanted to be a part of it badly. Sure, I didn't do much, but I have deep sympathy for the immigrants since I am one myself, although legal, and have friends that are illegal aliens. To me, it was definitely something to fight for, but I couldn't muster the courage to share some words.

Epic fail?

I think so.

Spaceman

Not much has happened this week, I'll be brutally honest. People are getting slapped with the reality that second semester is no joke. And trust me... it's no joke. Paideia is still a killer, but we already have a paper due that is apparently so important that I have to stay up until... now (2:48) to finish writing it. It's really just a response paper.

Religion kicked my butt on Friday. Let's talk about my Friday. It was a good day. All I had was paideia in the morning and then choir in the afternoon because two of my other classes were cancelled. It was a good day. I went back to my dorm and read the bible homework that I hadn't done and took a short nap. I planned to wake up at 11:00 so that I could have the response in by 11:30. We had a write at least 500 words on the prompt. Not hard right?

I turned in 200 words. That's not even half of what we needed. It was my first grade in the class and it was an epic fail. Of course, maybe it would have helped if I read any of the homework at all, but the question was not based on any of the other readings we had to do! I was ashamed. It wasn't even that I said all that could be said. I had no idea what to say--actually, I ended up confusing myself to the point where it went beyond just drowning.

Little to say... I hate religion right now. It shouldn't be as hard as it is. I went to church. I sometimes listened! I was confirmed and "read" the bible for confirmation.

Alright, I just fell asleep there for five minutes, so I'm going to turn in. Write more later.

The Art of Losing (your mind to work-study)

Work-study. The ever constant thorn in my side. Sure, I have interesting stories to tell about my experiences, but that doesn't take away the fact that it sucks. Intensely. It pretty much sucks all the blood, life, and essence out of your life.

I'm not kidding.

This week was the first week of school. I was super happy because I no longer had hours in the caf and all of them were at Marty's. Trust me, it's infinitely more cooler. ;). I had all my hours planned and I was dealing with the fact that I would have to get up at 8am even on Saturdays. Horrible, I know, but it gave me a chance to have a weekend, at least. I had all ten hours, which was nice, considering how I had nine last semester, and I was prepared for lift-off.

And then I was crashed/emergency landed. My friend that I thought I was working my 3-hour Saturday shift with said that she didn't see me on the schedule for that particular shift. I shimmied on over to Marty's and assessed the situation. And it was bad. Apparently, there had been a miscommunication and that shift was taken away from me and given to someone else. I had to find three hours or suffer the consequences of super-poverty.

It put a damper on my day, that was for sure. I found out I was three hours in the hole an hour before I had to go into work as a cleaner. I hate cleaning. I really do, but that's what I signed on for. It was an unhappy day indeed. I was terrified I was going to have to go to the caf to get hours, which would very much break my soul.

Luckily, one of the workers was canceling one of her shifts and it was on a day that I wasn't working.

You are now reading the blog of someone who has 9 hours (again! ><) and works Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday.

I don't advise doing that. I'm certain my sleep will suffer. But the things I do for money...

Better in Time

It's the first week of second semester and I have formally given up my biology major. There's hope yet (I haven't sold the book) but at this point, I would rather take Paideia all four years than take another semester of biology (I probably wouldn't, but it's to establish a point). I am taking Paideia, American Politics, Intro to New Testament, Public Address, and Wellness. I'm not sure how I feel about taking all those right now for many different reasons.

Paideia... there's really no choice. I tried, but my advisor sent me an email telling me that I needed to take a Paideia next semester. It's not that bad, really. I have the professor that I had last semester... even though it's a 8AM... yeah. Luckily, to make up for it being at such an ungodly time in the morning and for having to trek that hill between Larsen and Olson (don't underestimate it's power at 8 in the morning), instead of doing the intense research paper that has to be 10-15 pages, our "research paper" is on oral history. I don't know much about it, but I'm pretty excited for it. She's having the Luther archivist come in and talk about retelling oral stories and then we have to choose someone from a different culture and at a certain age to tell their story. Other than that, I still hate it. Nothing make me want to cry more than trying to write a 5-6 page paper on a book I didn't finish reading.

Right after Paideia is my American Politics class. I was terrified on the first day. There's no homework. There's four books. There's a 7-10 page paper due in March on a change we'd make or something we would keep the same on the Constitution and then we get to take the identity of a politician and hold a Constitutional Convention. Then there's those dreaded participation grades... I'm not a good participant--not before 11 in the morning. I mean, I opened my mouth once today and it did not come out in English and I'm pretty sure it had nothing to do with the question either. Yeah, it was embarrassing... but I was so exhausted, I hardly noticed. However, I'm still pretty excited about it. Because I'm a proud nerd. :)

*insert naptime from 10:15 - 12:15*

Then I have Intro to New Testament... yeah. There's not much I can say about that class, but our professor is pretty cool from what I can tell of the first two days. I would probably have more to say if I... actually did the homework. Oops... yeah, I fell asleep somewhere between reading my American Politics and bleeding out of the eyes for Paideia. But hopefully, I'll have more to say next time.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays... ANOTHER 8AM! I have to say... I think I enjoy torture. My 8am is Public Address. I didn't think it would be that bad because I was super-nerd in high school and I was on speech team. I totally sucked, but I was ON it, which is more than some people can say. Then she said the bad word: Extemporaneous. I wanted to drop that class. It just means that instead of having it laid out in front of you word by word, it's notes that you refer to. That was sucking specialty. I was a much better memorizer/impromptu person than extemp. speaker. I'm interested to see my score in that class.

*insert naptime from 9:30 - 11:00*

Wellness? It's not your average gym class. One day is in lecture and the other is actually doing activity. It's pretty laid back and a bunch load of my friends have it at the same time. Whether they are in my class or not is up in the air. I have no idea who my teacher is (I should probably look that up). We have to read... which isn't that great, but compared to the rest of the reading I have to do, it's nothing.

That, plus work-study, is my life. I'm not sure how I feel about it still. We'll have to see how I feel next week.